Stop Comparing Children: A Reflection from a Therapist and a Mom

As an occupational therapist, I’ve spent years telling parents that the range of what is typical in child development is vast. I've reassured them that no two children grow the same way, and that it’s okay if their child develops speech before walking, or masters fine motor skills before gross motor coordination. I've explained that each child has their own unique timeline, and that progress looks different for everyone.

But becoming a mom—especially to a premature baby—has made this truth hit differently. It's not just a professional belief anymore. It's personal.

My child entered the world earlier than expected, and from the very beginning, milestones have come with both immense joy and a shadow of anxiety. As parents of preemies or children with any developmental challenges know, every tiny step forward feels enormous. We've worked hard. We’ve celebrated things others might not even notice. We’ve put in the therapy hours, and we’ve cried behind closed doors over things like tummy time and bottle feeds.

And here’s the thing: after all that work, my child has caught up. They’re thriving. They’re not even considered delayed anymore.

So why—why—do we still live in a world where casual conversations with friends, neighbors, or even acquaintances include comments like:
“Oh, he’s not walking yet?”
“She doesn’t really talk much, huh?”
“Mine was doing that at 10 months!”

It’s exhausting.

We spend so much time in the therapy world coaching parents not to compare their child to others. But can we talk about the fact that we also need to be coaching other adults—friends, family, anyone with a child—to not make comparisons about someone else’s child?

Because it’s not helpful.
Because it’s not kind.
Because it’s not their place.

It’s hard enough for a parent to accept that their child may need extra support. It’s an emotional process, and it takes courage to show up to that first therapy session, to advocate, to do the hard work. And when that hard work pays off, parents deserve to feel proud and seen—not subtly reminded of where their child “should” be according to someone else’s timeline.

Let me say this loud and clear: All kids develop differently. Some crawl before they babble. Some talk in full sentences before they can climb a step. Some kids are just late bloomers. And guess what? That’s all normal.

So please—if you’re a friend, a neighbor, a fellow parent—think twice before commenting on someone else’s child’s development. Don’t compare. Don’t question. Just celebrate them for who they are.

Because the truth is, the only timeline that matters is the one that belongs to the child and the family doing the work.

And as a mom and a therapist, I promise you: that work is being done—every single day.